I just did a Google image search for “quadruplets” expecting to find pictures of sexy quadruplet centerfolds engaged in various incestuous acts, but I only got pictures of newborn infants. Before refining my search to “quadruplets fuck,” I found this image:

This woman not only beat the 1:729,000 odds of having quadruplets, but it appears that she did it all completely without any physical body below her armpits. How did this woman carry four fetuses to full term in that tiny chest cavity without it complicating her normal heart and lung activity? The marvels of modern medicine continue to amaze me!

The third baby over (with his eyes closed) looks like he is holding a microphone up to his mouth and busting some nursery rhymes. Are babies born to mothers with no lower-half destined to become musicians? Judging from the photo above, at least 1/4 of them are.

Other questions to ponder while looking at this picture include:

- How did the woman even get pregnant if she doesn’t have a vagina?
- Did a man have sex with her, or did she just splash some sperm on herself down there?
- Why is one of her biceps so much thicker than the other?
- Was this article really worth the 2 minutes it took to read it?

CHINA — After Chen Chuanliu’s 4-year-old daughter was kidnapped a few weeks ago, he didn’t want to take any chances on losing his 2-year-old son. Losing a daughter isn’t a big deal to most Chinese parents, but male children are very important to the family. A pedicab driver by day, Chen only has one child left and he’ll do anything to keep him safe.

Rather than spending his wages on a babysitter, Chen chains his son to a lamppost.

Despite the fact that some most people consider this blatant child neglect, there are several benefits of chaining your child to a lamppost outside a Beijing mall.

1) One less mouth to feed. Face it, it breaks peoples’ hearts to see a starving child on the street. Eventually, someone will give that kid some food, then you won’t have to.

2) Possible fighting career. When this kid grows up, he’s going to be a martial arts champion. Chuck Norris also spent his childhood chained to a lamppost in Beijing.

3) Bait. Like a worm on a hook for fishing, a baby chained to a lamppost is impossibly tempting for wild animals and child molesters alike. “Tonight, we eat coyote!”

4) Tetherball. If your baby doesn’t survive the winter chained to a lamppost, the least you can do is have some fun with it before the funeral. Get the neighborhood kids to join!

Besides, if chaining your kid to a lamppost is so “bad,” why hasn’t anyone stopped it?

Personally, I would choose a babysitter over a lamppost. I can’t have sex with a lamppost.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “You can have sex with a lamppost, just cut some holes.” — Bill

Leave your comments in the comments section below.

ARKANSAS — It is perfectly legal for a police officer to taser a suspect of any age — so long as the suspect is resisting arrest or posing some risk of potential injury to others.

A couple weeks ago, I reported on the Arkansas cop that tasered a 10-year-old girl at the command of her mother. If you haven’t read the article, click HERE.

(But don’t forget to come back and read the update, dumbass.)

Update: After investigating the incident, the Ozark Police Department has fired officer Dustin Bradshaw for failing to initiate the camera on his stun gun before using it.

Police issue taser guns have tiny video cameras pre-installed in them, and cops are required to activate the camera before discharging their weapon.

According to Ozark police chief Jim Noggle, officer Bradshaw had been warned several times to activate the stun gun’s camera and microphone on his lapel before taking any action — but Bradshaw was a rebel with no regard for the rules:

“Officer Bradshaw [once] stated that it is worth a 5 point deduction just so he would not have to carry the cameras,” Noggle wrote. “In the past he had been told to wear and use his cameras by me on several occasions.” [1]

In the meanwhile, Dustin Bradshaw can spend his unemployed hours taking self-defense lessons, so he can properly defend himself against A FUCKING 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “I’ll bet if MJ were still alive he’d be pissed!” — Patrick

Please leave your comments in the comments section below.

ARKANSAS — Ozark police officer Dustin Bradshaw and I have something in common. Not only do we share the same first name, but also a profound hatred for children.

On Tuesday, Bradshaw responded to call from a frantic mother, saying her 10-year-old daughter was misbehaving. When he arrived at the house, the little girl was acting wildly. Every time her mother approached, the girl would kick and scream.

The officer warned the girl that she was going to be arrested if she didn’t cooperate. She answered back with a swift kick to his groin. Big mistake.

“Use the taser on her, if you have to,” said the mother. So he did.

A short burst of electricity was administered to the girl’s back, and she was arrested.

Let me get this straight: You can’t legally open-hand smack your kid in the face for being a dick. But you can call the police and be like, “I can’t handle this kid, use the taser.”

The girl’s father Anthony Medlock is outraged by the incident and considers it excessive force, even though his wife gave Bradshaw the go-ahead to taser their daughter:

“I want to know how the heck in God’s green earth can they get away with this,” he told reporters. “If you can’t pick the kid up and take her to your car, handcuff her, then I don’t think you need to be an officer.”

He does make a good point though — Police officers are supposed to be tough guys. It’s pathetic if a grown man can’t even manhandle a 10-year-old. Wait, that sounds bad.

After the incident, the Ozark police chief suspended Officer Bradshaw for 7 days without pay for “forgetting” to engage the video recorder on his stun gun before using it. It’s police protocol to record everyone they zap (so they can upload it on Youtube, hopefully).

Bonus: At least Bradshaw got to experience the joy of tasering a unruly child. I’ve always wanted to make a kid twitch like crazy without having to decapitate them first.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “If you can’t control your 10-year-old, you don’t need to be a parent.” — Lee

“Can’t wait to be a cop!” — Lucy

Please leave your comments in the comments section below.

This is going to be another not-so-funny Sidecarsally story. If a man dies while trying to have sex with an alligator, that’s funny, but not when a bunch of people die in a fire.

A deadly fire ripped through a government-owned day care center in Hermosillo, Mexico on Friday. Since then, the death toll has risen from 21 to 38 children killed — most of them from smoke inhalation. Several children, however, were very badly burned.

142 children and 7 adults were in the building when its roof caught fire from a blaze that started next door. It is reported that the building had two exit doors, but one of them was padlocked. Here’s a math equation: 142 kids (many of them infants) + 7 adults watching over them + 1 rapidly-spreading fire + 2 exits – 1 exit (padlocked) = 1 EPIC FAIL SCENARIO.

Some parents rammed their cars into the building to create emergency exits, and others helped rescue as many children as they could, but almost 27% of them ended up dying. Sorry, I’m all about mathematics today.

This was not a drill.

A Mexican official stated that the building (a warehouse converted to a day care facility) passed a safety inspection last month. He did not comment, however, on whether “inaccessible emergency exits” are a safety violation or not. I guess that saying “anything goes in Mexico” is true.

My best wishes go out to the victims of this horrible tragedy. I’d pray for them too, but this is just another example of why there is no God.

Tonight, I’m gonna fight me a fire. I suggest you do the same.