TEXAS — Last Thursday, a couple from southern Texas were charged with abuse of a corpse and tampering with evidence after investigators found the corpse of a 7-month fetus wrapped neatly in a gift box under their Christmas tree.

Police believe that Ruby Lee Medina took pills to induce an abortion and then tried to dispose of the fetus by flushing it down the toilet. That’s like trying to flush a 3-pound 16-inch turd with arms and legs — it’s impossible. And fetuses don’t break apart like poo.

Medina and her boyfriend Javier Gonzalez plucked the lifeless baby from the toilet and cleaned its corpse, but couldn’t decide what to do with it. There were too many options.

So they hid it under the Christmas tree.

After the abortion and gift wrapping, Medina’s vagina wouldn’t stop bleeding so she went to the hospital. Doctors became suspicious of her when she said she “didn’t know” where the fetus was. The couple were arrested after a tip prompted police to search their trailer.

If autopsy results confirm that the baby was alive at the time of birth, Medina and Gonzalez will also face capital murder charges, which is punishable by death in Texas.

Sources have suggested to authorities that this is not the first time the couple has induced an abortion or disposed of a fetus. Investigators are looking into the allegations to determine if there are additional victims. [2]

A smart idea for this couple would be set up an Abortion Fund so they can afford professional abortions. Basically, you take a piggy bank and write “ABORTION FUND” on the side of it and then don’t get pregnant until you’ve accumulated at least $400.

OR USE A FUCKING CONDOM.

Sources: 1, 2

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