Last week, I wrote about the 18-year-old girl from Belgium who “fell asleep” while getting a few stars tattooed on her face, and woke up with half of her face covered in stars. If you recall, her name was Cunty McMasterson. As it turns out, Cunty wanted those tattoos. All 56 of ‘em.

“I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them, but when my father saw them, he was furious, so I said I fell asleep and that the tattoist had made a mistake,” Cunty told a Dutch TV crew.

“This is my sad face.”

Seriously though, none of us have the right to judge Cunty. We’ve all blamed other people for our mistakes. For instance, one time I shat the bed and blamed it on the cat. It worked too because I was a little kid and my turds were really small like cat poop.

Yay for the truth!

Remember last weeks story Italian Bitches Be Crazy? Well, maybe they aren’t so crazy after all. If you didn’t read the story, here is a two-sentence summary:

An Italian man was allegedly caught cheating on his fiancée after she found a scandalous photo of him on Facebook, but rather than just dumping him, she humiliated him by posting hundreds of posters around the city of Rome. The posters called him a traitorous pig and showed the same scandalous photo of him with some naked boobies on his head.

IT WAS ALL A FUCKING LIE!

Someone known only as “cketo” posted a link in the comments section to a site that revealed the truth. The posters were an advertisement for an Italian MOVIE based on the same events described above.

I basically wasted 30 minutes of my life promoting a movie that I will never see, and now I’m wasting even more time writing a follow-up story about it. What an ingenious scam!

Here’s the link to the real trailer for the Italian film. Don’t expect to understand any of that spaghetti nonsense though, unless you’re Italian.

Thanks, cketo!

I told you yesterday if there was a humorous twist in the Dutch parade story, I’d keep you updated. Well, there isn’t. However, the driver of the black car that plowed through waves of spectators and smashed into a monument has died from injuries.

“Am I bleeding?”

The driver of the black car that killed five others is now known as 38-year-old Karst Tates. He was taken to the hospital, but died shortly after. Depression and hopelessness is thought to be the motive of the attack because Karst had recently lost his job and couldn’t pay rent.

“This is WAY better than GTA4!”

The official death toll from the attack is now at 3-6 people, including the driver.