As I reported a couple weeks ago, the garbage strike is celebrating it’s one-month anniversary in Toronto. Foul heaps of rubbish have been collecting next to bins because, apparently most people think that tossing trash on the ground next to a full bin is OK.

I saw a rat scurry away carrying a used tampon with a used condom stuck to it.

Since there is nowhere to put my own waste, I have been hording it at home and waiting for the strike to end. I guess I could transport it all to a landfill somewhere, but come on.

How much trash can a person accumulate in a month? The answer is a lot.

First thing you’ll probably notice is that I have a cigarette addiction.

There is nowhere to stash my cigarette butts and it’s really starting to affect the air quality in my home. Ironically, underneath all those butts is a really nice Bud Light ashtray.

Fast food wrappers and cups are also becoming a trip hazard in my home, completely blocking my emergency fire escape route. I’m concerned about safety because I often fall asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette in my mouth.

I can’t complain about my bedroom though because there’s actually so much trash it’s fun. I can roll right off my bed onto a mountain of pizza boxes and Styrofoam containers. When I do this, I like to imagine that I’m Scrooge McDuck in a ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

Grab your swine flu masks — we’re heading into my bathroom and it’s a little dirty.

My toilet got clogged and the plumber I hired to fix it died, so now I just shit in a bucket on top of the toilet. The tub is the cleanest spot in the house because I use it to brew beer.

Mold spores seem to be more plentiful than oxygen in this part of the house. Someone told me mold is a health hazard, but I also heard that penicillin comes from mold, so WTF?

A little Vick’s Vap-o-Rub under the nostrils and it’s totally tolerable.

And last but not least, the most important room in the house, my office. This is where I spend the majority of my time writing stories for Sidecarsally. Some ashes made their way into my monitor and changed the screen to a funny green color.

My keyboard has all the necessary keys cleaned off. All those F buttons at the top are retarded, so I sprinkled ash on them on purpose. Print Screen? Nobody uses that one.

I started writing this article to show you how bad things have gotten since the trash strike started, but now I realize I just have a problem — worrying. I worry too much!

I’m gonna go take a dump and shower at the neighbors’ house if they aren’t home.