Gay porn star Andrew Grande probably had a huge penis. I don’t know because I’ve never seen any of his films, but I do know one thing for sure: big dick or not, he’s dead.

One of the final pictures taken of Andrew Grande. He was probably gettin’ a blowie.

FLORIDA — Last Friday, Panama Beach police responded to a physical disturbance call at a motel. When they arrived, a woman claimed Grande had attacked her. Police tried to arrest Grande, but he resisted and tried to swallow a small bag of marijuana in front of them.

As his struggle with the officers continued, the bag of weed became lodged in Grande’s throat. He broke free from the officers, so they tasered him while he was choking.

Grande fell to the ground and tried desperately to make himself vomit. One officer tried to perform the Heimlich to no avail. When paramedics arrived, they were able to remove the bag from Grande’s throat but it was too late — he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

The entire thing was caught on camera by a television crew that was riding with the cops.

Out of respect, I’ll refrain from making a “gay man fails at swallowing” joke for now.

The officers claim that Grande was tasered not because he was resisting arrest, but because he was preventing them from helping him — even though they didn’t attempt the Heimlich maneuver until Grande was already tasered and half-dead.

Cop 1: “We can’t help this choking guy, sergeant. We can’t get our fingers in his mouth to remove the baggy. What should we do? We need to keep him calm before he suffocates.”

Cop 2: “Calm? Fuck that, taser his ass and make him spit it out.”

FAIL.

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