I came across a website with a collection of some rather interesting facts. I need to stop using the phrase “true facts” because all facts should be true, otherwise, they’re bullshit.

Still, I can’t help but challenge some of these “facts” because I have my own explanations:

1. When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red.
Explanation: Red sweat? Psh! Whoever got close enough to see a pissed off hippo’s sweat was probably seeing their own blood mixing with the sweat on a hippo.

2. Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
Explanation: This obviously means that we really don’t completely die after death. So what if a person’s heart stops beating and their brain is dead? What if our souls just stay trapped inside? Fuck, maybe I better start praying to somebody after all.

3. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
Explanation: Intelligent people probably make more money and wash their hair with finer shampoo. Finer shampoo is obviously going to contain more expensive fancy shit like zinc and copper. Sisqo has platinum hair and his #1 hit “The Thong Song” was BRILLIANT!

4. There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Explanation: The French are insane. That’s a lot of goddamn steps. Too many.

5. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
Explanation: There’s never anything good happening to the right of the cave.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “I also love black guys.” — Sam

“Putting a strap-on on the gerbil before rectal insertion is overkill.” — Killerwit

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A gamekeeper in Uganda had a close brush with death this weekend. He disturbed a full-grown hippopotamus while it was eating. Big mistake, buddy!

Luckily, Ugandans are crazy fast runners.

Most people don’t know this, but hippos are fucking insane. They can run up to 30mph — faster than any human — and they also kill more humans than any other African animal.

Most people that have seen a hippo up-close in the wild are DEAD.

This photo deserves to win some sort of National Geographic award.

Even crocodiles can’t fuck with hippos. A crocodile will often target baby hippo calves in the water, but the adults will team up and destroy it.

Despite all this violence towards humans and crocodiles, hippos rarely kill each other. I guess that makes them more civilized than humans. Fuck humans!

Bonus fact (compliments of Wikipedia): Some incidents of hippo cannibalism have been documented, but it is believed to be the behavior of distressed or sick hippos, and not healthy behavior. — I guess we aren’t so different after all.