RUSSIA — 9-month-old Ali Yakubov is by all means a normal Russian infant — well, except for the fact that sacred Islamic verses “miraculously” appear on his skin every week.

Religious leaders in Dagestan say the verse “Be thankful or grateful to God” appeared on Ali Yakubov’s right leg in Arabic script earlier this week. By the time foreign journalists had arrived, the verse had faded to a single letter. [1]

Nearly 2,000 Muslim pilgrims visit the family’s home every day to offer prayers and look at photos of the verses that previously appeared on the baby.

The child’s mother explained to reporters how her son behaves during these, um, miracles. “It’s impossible to hold him,” she said. “He cries, lifts that part of the body [where the verse appears], his temperature goes up to 105 degrees, and he doesn’t sleep all night.”

Yeah that’s usually how kids behave WHEN YOU TORTURE THEM.

Jesus titty-fuckin’ Christ! This has to be the lowest-budget miracle I’ve ever seen. A Virgin Mary shitting bloody diarrhea that splatters on the floor and turns into snakes is a fucking miracle.

Somebody do this kid a favor and call Social Services, if they even have that in Russia.

Bonus: Ali Yakubov’s father is a police officer.

Sources: 1

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