After the extreme disappointment of Heidi Montag’s non-nude Playboy debut in September’s issue, I suspected that Hugh Hefner was losing his grip on reality.

What could be worse than Playboy providing us with content that we can only almost masturbate to? I got it! How about naked cartoons instead of real women?

Entertainment Weekly has reported that October’s issue of Playboy Magazine will feature beloved animated icon Marge Simpson nude in a 3-page spread.

“New Playboy CEO Scott Flanders (coincidence?) says he’s trying to appeal to readers younger than the mag’s 35-year-old average.” [1]

However, Playboy tried to appeal to the younger readers last month by having Heidi Montag as the main feature — but she wasn’t naked. So, rather than apologizing for last month’s tragedy, Scott Flanders decided a cartoon edition would be a better idea.

FUCK YOU, PLAYBOY MAGAZINE.

Unless you’re trying to attract 8-year-old readers, the “younger” generation doesn’t give a shit what an imaginary, animated woman looks like naked (Sailor Moon excluded).

This is 2009 and people are sick of your airbrushed cunts. Half the people who read Playboy probably don’t even know what a real vagina looks like!

Why would anyone spend money on a magazine with half-nude women in it when the Internet provides us with videos like 2 Girls 1 Cup for free?

You wanna know what Marge Simpson looks like naked? I’ll save you some money:

You won’t find this kind of action in Playboy, no sir.

Are you horny yet? How about a little incest?

Not feeling the son-on-mother action? Maybe some bestiality will whet your whistle.

There. Unless you can find me a cartoon of Marge eating Homer’s feces, I believe I’ve covered all the bases that Playboy won’t: Infidelity, incest, and dog fucking.

If you still feel the need to pay six dollars to see Marge nude in October’s Playboy, I can only say this: YOU ARE SAD AND NEED A REAL LIFE.

Sources: 1

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These days, almost everyone takes nude photos of themselves. If you don’t, then you’re either “too old for that kind of stuff”, embarrassed of your body, or so unattractive that nobody else has ever asked to see you naked.

It’s not entirely bad to be an unattractive loser and not take nude photos of yourself. At least you don’t run the risk of having those photos leaked online for the viewing pleasure of millions of perverts. But the only way millions of people would ever see your photos would be if you were famous. When a celebrity’s sex tapes or nude photos get leaked, EVERYONE wants to see it.

Well… except for this one (which was awful, by the way).

Since you are probably not famous, your shit will end up on some amateur porn forum like dumpstersluts.com. Five lonely men will jerk off to your pictures and then the topic of your tits will get buried under the endless incoming supply of nude amateur photos.

It’s a good thing that recording artist Rihanna is famous because when a series of her nude photos got leaked on the Internet this weekend, I found out within minutes. Oops, I mean they’re ALLEGEDLY nude photos of Rihanna.**

**Rihanna’s lawyers have sent a letter to at least one website that published the nude photos, but that website also claimed that the naked woman in the photos was Rihanna. That’s why I have decided to let you judge for yourself. You can check them out HERE.

I wondered how these photos got leaked, and Chris Brown was the first person I thought of. He is even ALLEGEDLY shown in one of the pictures, with a pair of panties ALLEGEDLY belonging to Rihanna.

A rep for Chris Brown denied any involvement in the leaking of the photos.

Meanwhile, another series of photos were also leaked recently, showing singer Cassie Ventura fully nude. In one particularly graphic photo, she is in the “spread eagle” position facing the camera, with her full vagina exposed – looking like it’s ready to eat the camera. If you don’t know who Cassie is, she’s one of P. Diddy’s many protégés, known for her many talents – which now include mastering the 10-second timer on a camera.

I’m still crossing my fingers for nudes of Adele lol.