The 911 call was made by Lonnie Tinsley who became concerned for his grandma’s health when she couldn’t remember if she had taken her daily medication or not. His only request was for an emergency medical technician to go to her apartment and evaluate her.

“Hi, I’m looking after my granny today, but I don’t know if she has already taken her daily pills — and neither does she. Can you just send someone out here to assess her? Thanks!”

Rather than sending a medical technician, up to ten El Reno police officers forced their way into the old woman’s apartment to investigate. Startled by the overwhelming response to such a minor emergency, the old woman told the police to leave her home.

When the police refused to leave, according to the police report, 86-year-old Lona Varner “took a more aggressive posture in her bed” — and there’s nothing more dangerous than a disabled senior citizen laying in bed with an aggressive posture — so they stepped on her oxygen tube and tasered her twice. She suffered burns to her chest and fainted.

“Uh oh, guys — she’s taking an aggressive posture! Shoot the dog and taser the old bitch!”

Lonnie Tinsley tried to intervene and help his grandmother, but he was quickly knocked the to floor, handcuffed, placed in a squad car, and then incarcerated while his grandmother was being tortured in her apartment. After Lona Varner was tasered, she was handcuffed and taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

The police released Lonnie from the squad car so he could accompany his grandma to the hospital, but it wouldn’t be a quick check-up: Lona Varner was placed in the psychiatric ward under police orders and held there for six days before she was released.

Lona and her grandson are suing the city of El Reno as well as several police officers for punitive damages. Their attorney put it best: “As a result of the wrongful arrest and detention, the plaintiff Lona M. Varner suffered the unlawful restraint of her freedom, bodily injury, assault, battery, the trashing of her apartment, humiliation, loss of personal dignity, infliction of emotional distress and medical bills.”

I know there’s a whole other side to this story, but COME ON — there is no legitimate reason to taser a bedridden 86-year-old woman. Ever. Unless you are just doing it for fun.

Sources: 1

You grab something from your trunk that resembles a fire extinguisher and douse the man with its contents, but the fire continues to burn and the man dies. Later, it’s revealed that the fire extinguisher you used was actually an industrial size canister of pepper spray.

That was quite careless of you. Are you: A) Retarded, B) Blind, or C) A woman?

OREGON — 26-year-old Daniel Shaull set himself on fire Wednesday in the streets of downtown Portland. When a police officer saw the burning man from her car, she ran out and sprayed him down with a fire extinguisher big fucking canister of pepper spray.

The officer didn’t know she had used pepper spray until another officer found the empty can later at the scene. Meanwhile, Daniel died of his burns in the hospital.

Daniel’s father told interviewers that his son had a history of mental illness. “I had a feeling something was going to tragically happen,” he told reporters. “He was tired of living.”

Portland Police Bureau Chief Rosie Sizer refused to name the officer involved, but said the she will not face any disciplinary action for her mistake. The chief also added, “In many, many ways, her acts were heroic.”

I had a suspicion that Chief Rosie was exaggerating, so I broke down the officer’s actions and created a pie chart to see how many ways her acts were heroic.

Imagine if you were the burning man, Daniel Shaull — the last couple minutes of your life really sucked dick. You’re engulfed in flames and thinking, “This is it… this is the end.” And then here comes a woman who not only pepper sprays you, but empties an entire tank of pepper spray on your burning flesh. The most painful death ever was made even worse.

Female police officers should stick to what they do best — nothing.

Sources: 1

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One of the final pictures taken of Andrew Grande. He was probably gettin’ a blowie.

FLORIDA — Last Friday, Panama Beach police responded to a physical disturbance call at a motel. When they arrived, a woman claimed Grande had attacked her. Police tried to arrest Grande, but he resisted and tried to swallow a small bag of marijuana in front of them.

As his struggle with the officers continued, the bag of weed became lodged in Grande’s throat. He broke free from the officers, so they tasered him while he was choking.

Grande fell to the ground and tried desperately to make himself vomit. One officer tried to perform the Heimlich to no avail. When paramedics arrived, they were able to remove the bag from Grande’s throat but it was too late — he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

The entire thing was caught on camera by a television crew that was riding with the cops.

Out of respect, I’ll refrain from making a “gay man fails at swallowing” joke for now.

The officers claim that Grande was tasered not because he was resisting arrest, but because he was preventing them from helping him — even though they didn’t attempt the Heimlich maneuver until Grande was already tasered and half-dead.

Cop 1: “We can’t help this choking guy, sergeant. We can’t get our fingers in his mouth to remove the baggy. What should we do? We need to keep him calm before he suffocates.”

Cop 2: “Calm? Fuck that, taser his ass and make him spit it out.”

FAIL.

Quality Comments: There ain’t none yet!

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On Tuesday, Bradshaw responded to call from a frantic mother, saying her 10-year-old daughter was misbehaving. When he arrived at the house, the little girl was acting wildly. Every time her mother approached, the girl would kick and scream.

The officer warned the girl that she was going to be arrested if she didn’t cooperate. She answered back with a swift kick to his groin. Big mistake.

“Use the taser on her, if you have to,” said the mother. So he did.

A short burst of electricity was administered to the girl’s back, and she was arrested.

Let me get this straight: You can’t legally open-hand smack your kid in the face for being a dick. But you can call the police and be like, “I can’t handle this kid, use the taser.”

The girl’s father Anthony Medlock is outraged by the incident and considers it excessive force, even though his wife gave Bradshaw the go-ahead to taser their daughter:

“I want to know how the heck in God’s green earth can they get away with this,” he told reporters. “If you can’t pick the kid up and take her to your car, handcuff her, then I don’t think you need to be an officer.”

He does make a good point though — Police officers are supposed to be tough guys. It’s pathetic if a grown man can’t even manhandle a 10-year-old. Wait, that sounds bad.

After the incident, the Ozark police chief suspended Officer Bradshaw for 7 days without pay for “forgetting” to engage the video recorder on his stun gun before using it. It’s police protocol to record everyone they zap (so they can upload it on Youtube, hopefully).

Bonus: At least Bradshaw got to experience the joy of tasering a unruly child. I’ve always wanted to make a kid twitch like crazy without having to decapitate them first.

Sources: 1

Quality Comments: “If you can’t control your 10-year-old, you don’t need to be a parent.” — Lee

“Can’t wait to be a cop!” — Lucy

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“[On Thursday] Kathryn Winkfein was stopped for doing 60 mph in a 45 zone in her pickup truck on a highway near Austin, Texas. After Deputy Chris Bieze finished writing the ticket, he gave it to her and asked her to sign it, but Winkfein refused.

Bieze insisted, saying he would have to arrest her if she didn’t sign the ticket. When she wouldn’t sign, he opened the door to the truck and told her to get out.” – MSNBC

Kathryn stepped out of the car and was shoved over to the side of the road by Bieze. Her attitude from the beginning of the ordeal was very disrespectful to the officer, but dude, she’s 72-years-old.

Bieze gave Kathryn fair warning several times that she would be tasered if she didn’t comply with his orders. She taunted him back, saying, “Go ahead. Tase me. I DARE you.”

So he did.

Then she was arrested and charged with resisting arrest. If you’ve been waiting your whole life to see an old lady get tasered, BEHOLD! (watch the video )

Kathryn was charged and released from custody shortly after the incident. She immediately went squealing to the news station. She denied being argumentative and combative with the deputy, even though she was clearly acting like a cunt in the video. But dude, she’s 72-foockin’-years-old.

In Chris Bieze’s defense, the Travis County 3rd Precinct Whateverthefuck released the footage above. The idea was to clearly show Kathryn acting like an old bitch and deserving her zapping. What everyone else saw was their poor, harmless, senile grandmother getting unnecessarily electrocuted by a fat prick cop.

I would sooner punch a baby before I tasered an old woman. Even if she was running at me with a butcher’s knife. I’d just point behind her and say, “Antique Roadshow is on!” Then I’d spin kick her in the back of the head and take the knife. But I’d never taser an old lady.

Alternative Press interviewed Travis County (Texas) sheriff Greg Hamilton, and he was disgusted by Deputy Bieze’s decision to taser Kathryn. “I do not personally agree with the actions of the deputy constable as they are shown in the video. When I look at the video, I am in awe of what happened,” he said.

But Travis County Constable Richard McCain defended his fellow bacon-brother. When asked if it was really appropriate for his deputy to use his taser, he said, “Yes.”

“I’m Constable Richard McCain, and I approve this brutality.”

The Travis County constables aren’t trained in hand-to-hand combat with elderly women. I can understand why Bieze panicked as Kathryn approached him. Controlling her with his own physical strength would have been far too dangerous.

Just imagine if this was your own grandmother. You’d feel pretty bad. No? Your grandma must’ve been a bitch then. You missed out on some of the best times of your life — the Grandma Times.