In 1998, recording artist George Michael was forced “out of the closet” after he was arrested for soliciting an undercover male cop for sex in a bathroom in Beverly Hills, California. Women everywhere were crushed by the news that George “Every Woman In The World Wants To Fuck Me” Michael was GAY.

That was the ’90s though — people were just coming around to the whole gay thing. Only a decade before, people were wearing t-shirts with 74 different neon colors and nobody would dare to say that He-Man looked gay, even though his costume appears at every gay pride event.

When Lance Bass and Clay Aiken admitted their gayness, a few people were still surprised — mainly blind people who have never had someone describe what Lance Bass and Clay Aiken look like to them, more specifically, the waxed eyebrows and highlights.

Everything about Adam Lambert screams “I’m gay as fuck,” but he’s never tried to hide it. He told Rolling Stone, “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay.”

Next to be added to the list of male performers to publicly admit their penchant for penis is Ricky Martin. Despite denying his homosexuality for years, Martin celebrated the truth on his website today. He wrote, “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man.”

Martin exercising on the beach with a male companion coincidentally makes a great photo.

Perez Hilton nearly crashed the internet today with several tweets about how proud he is of Ricky Martin, although Ricky Martin probably doesn’t give a fuck about Perez Hilton.

We all know Martin’s song “Livin’ La Vida Loca” – it was a #1 hit in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and New Zealand in 1999. Every verse in this song can relate to homosexuality just by changing one or two words per line. Check it out:

Play the music video and follow the altered lyrics below:


He’s into “pooper stations” — black cocks and voodoo dongs.
I feel a premonition that dude’s gonna make me bawl.
He’s into new sensations — new dicks in the candle light.
He’s got a new addiction for every day and night.

Upside, inside out, he’s livin’ la vida homo
He’ll push and pull it out, livin’ la vida homo
Your anus is devil red, and his dick’s the color of mocha
He will wear you out livin’ la vida homo, come on!
Livin’ la vida homo, come on!
He’s livin’ la vida homo.

You get the idea though. The same thing can be done to every Jonas Brothers song too; Somehow you can just change a couple words here and there, and turn every song into an anal sex ballad. I only advise doing this if you have nothing better to do though.

Congratulations, Ricky — the world finally knows that you’re gay. If that’s what you needed to make yourself feel better, go grab another dick and relax because we already knew.

Meet 18-year-old Cunty McMasterson. She just got 56 stars tattooed on her face.

Sweet, huh? No.

Her name isn’t really Cunty, but she’s from Belgium, so you wouldn’t be able to pronounce her real name anyway.

Cunty is suing her tattooist for £10,000, claiming that she only wanted 3 stars tattooed under her left eye. Instead, she got 56 stars in the shape of the number 3.

According to her, she fell asleep while getting inked and woke up looking like the galaxy blew a load on her face.

“I think he didn’t understand what I wanted,” explained Cunty. “He spoke only fractured English and French. But I explicitly said in my native tongue, French, and also in a little bit of English when he looked confused, that I wanted three little stars only near my left eye.”

But there’s two sides to every story. According to the tattooist, it was very clear what Cunty wanted:

“I maintain that she absolutely agreed that I tattoo those 56 stars on the left side of her face. A witness has already been questioned by police, and she confirms it. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!”

Tattoist/Freakshow and Cunty (nice belt rofl)

I hate this my-word-against-yours bullshit. Here’s the truth: You can’t fall asleep while getting your FACE tattooed. You just can’t. It’s impossible. Cunty wanted all 56 stars and now she feels like an asshat.

Many of us have tattoos that we regret. I should’ve never got “Ricky Martin wuz here” tattooed right next to my anus. My colorectal surgeon probably thinks I’m a queer now.

Instead of complaining about her regrettable tattoos, Cunty should just tell people she’s from the future. Everybody has facial tattoos in the future.