Too many politicians and attorney generals have been complaining about Craigslist’s “Erotic Services” classified ad section. They say call it an online whorehouse. They say it’s a playground for perverts, rapists and murderers. I say, “Perverts? Yes. But we do NOT all rape and murder people. We just masturbate a lot.”

You can find anything on Erotic Services. How about a platonic cuddle session with a hairy man dressed in a banana costume? Want to make some money simply by rubbing ointment on the ass blisters of a lonely widow? At Craigslist, anything’s possible. And it’s usually safe.

There are exceptions, of course. For instance, Philip Markoff set up erotic appointments over Craigslist with women in the Boston area, and then robbed them at gunpoint. He also murdered his second victim, earning him the nickname “The Craigslist Douchebag Killer.”

Thanks for ruining Craigslist, dick!

All it takes is one lousy murder, and everybody starts freaking out like they’re next. Craigslist has recently began feeling the pressure to start moderating ads that are sexual. You see, while they don’t promote sexual solicitation on the site, they technically allow it. So last night, rather than shutting down their Erotic Services ad section, Craigslist replaced it with the similar-sounding “Adult Services.”

Here’s the difference between the old Erotic Services and the new Adult Services:

Ten bucks for a censored ad? Psh! The addition of moderators will only ensure that the new ads will be even more cryptic. For instance, an older ad for a blowjob was FREE, and it would say something like, “…Looking for a nice girl to suck me,” but you can’t do that anymore. Now, you have to pay $10 and say something cryptic like, “Looking to have a sandwich in the park with a giraffe.” That’s the new undercover Craigslist slang for a blowjob.

And does any of this make me any safer at the end of the day? Nope, it doesn’t because either way, I’m going to have that sandwich in the park with a giraffe.

Getting HIV after having sex with a prostitute would be devastating, but also somewhat expected. But what if you met an attractive, successful woman who didn’t appear to have HIV at all? Should you fuck her? Yes, but wear a condom anyway.

If you ever had the chance to bang one of the girls from the pop group “No Angels,” you can consider yourself lucky… lucky that you don’t have AIDS. Nadja Benaissa, a member of No Angels, was arrested a couple of weeks ago after an ex-lover accused her of giving him HIV.

Thank God the blonde is still clean. I got my eye on her.

According to Wikipedia, Nadja is “facing charges of grievous bodily harm as she is alleged to have had unprotected sex with three people between 2004 and 2006, having not informed them she was HIV positive. At least one of the men later tested positive for HIV, allegedly as a result of having intercourse with her. If found guilty she could face up to 10 years in prison.”

DO NOT confuse No Angels with the similar all-female pop band “All Saints,” from England. You could have sex with these girls all day and not get HIV. As for herpes, I can’t promise anything.

All Saints milked success from the Spice Girls in 1999.

It’s a good thing Nadja’s group is called “No Angels,” instead of “Four Angels,” because nobody would ever believe one of the angels has HIV.

Instead of imprisoning her for 10 years, Nadja should just be tattooed and released back into the wild. She should at least still have the right to fuck other people with HIV, or people who can’t read the warning on her forehead.