As I reported a couple weeks ago, the garbage strike is celebrating it’s one-month anniversary in Toronto. Foul heaps of rubbish have been collecting next to bins because, apparently most people think that tossing trash on the ground next to a full bin is OK.

I saw a rat scurry away carrying a used tampon with a used condom stuck to it.

Since there is nowhere to put my own waste, I have been hording it at home and waiting for the strike to end. I guess I could transport it all to a landfill somewhere, but come on.

How much trash can a person accumulate in a month? The answer is a lot.

First thing you’ll probably notice is that I have a cigarette addiction.

There is nowhere to stash my cigarette butts and it’s really starting to affect the air quality in my home. Ironically, underneath all those butts is a really nice Bud Light ashtray.

Fast food wrappers and cups are also becoming a trip hazard in my home, completely blocking my emergency fire escape route. I’m concerned about safety because I often fall asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette in my mouth.

I can’t complain about my bedroom though because there’s actually so much trash it’s fun. I can roll right off my bed onto a mountain of pizza boxes and Styrofoam containers. When I do this, I like to imagine that I’m Scrooge McDuck in a ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

Grab your swine flu masks — we’re heading into my bathroom and it’s a little dirty.

My toilet got clogged and the plumber I hired to fix it died, so now I just shit in a bucket on top of the toilet. The tub is the cleanest spot in the house because I use it to brew beer.

Mold spores seem to be more plentiful than oxygen in this part of the house. Someone told me mold is a health hazard, but I also heard that penicillin comes from mold, so WTF?

A little Vick’s Vap-o-Rub under the nostrils and it’s totally tolerable.

And last but not least, the most important room in the house, my office. This is where I spend the majority of my time writing stories for Sidecarsally. Some ashes made their way into my monitor and changed the screen to a funny green color.

My keyboard has all the necessary keys cleaned off. All those F buttons at the top are retarded, so I sprinkled ash on them on purpose. Print Screen? Nobody uses that one.

I started writing this article to show you how bad things have gotten since the trash strike started, but now I realize I just have a problem — worrying. I worry too much!

I’m gonna go take a dump and shower at the neighbors’ house if they aren’t home.

The man pictured below is David Miller, Mayor of Toronto, Ontario.

David Miller, giving a speech from inside the Brass Rail Gentleman’s Club.

Today, Miller appeared on CNN, where he discussed Toronto’s biggest problem — a strike by 24,000 city workers, most importantly, a GARBAGEMAN STRIKE.

“Garbageman” might be politically incorrect, but I’ve never seen a garbagewoman, sooo…

Since June 22nd, no garbage has been cleaned out of bins anywhere in Toronto unless by volunteers. The city smells like shit everywhere you go. Imagine walking through Chinatown when fish carcasses and dead cats have been left to broil in the summer sun.

It smells like a nuclear war between used tampons and aborted fetuses.

Don’t believe me? Here, watch this:

On CNN, “Mayor” Miller lied to America and played-down the severity of our situation. “Despite all these challenges, it’s actually a great time to visit Toronto,” he said.

Yeah, If you wanna get attacked by a raccoon. They’re everywhere now.

These are real raccoons.

Next time you visit Toronto, try walking around. You will get human feces on your shoes. Unless Miller can reach a deal with the Union, it’s only going to get worse. We’re gonna be fucked in 2010 when Michigan stops letting us dump our trash on them!

I urge everyone living in Toronto to pick up some garbage today. Please.