I have covered some seriously disturbing stories in the year and a half that I’ve been covering the news. Tragic accidents, rapes, and hoffiying sexual mishaps can’t compare to the following story that you’re about to read.

A recent string of murders has ended in the Ukraine.

Police finally captured three 19-year-old boys who brutally tortured and killed twenty-one people in one month.

The boys, known as Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs, would beat their victims to death with hammers and then attend the funerals of their victims. Videos of every murder were taken, as well as over 300 photographs – some of them showing the teens upturning their middle fingers at the graves of the people they killed.

I’ve seen some pretty disgusting shit on the web before, but I saw one of the Dnepropetrovsk murder videos today and it was easily the worst. Most of you will not look for the video, but I think it’s important for everyone to know why I lost a little more faith for humanity today.

***The following is a graphic description of the murder video***

The video only shows two of the boys because one of them previously left the murderous trio. It starts with a man laying on the ground in a forest. He looks beat up and nearly unconscious.

All of a sudden, one of the kids grabs an object and bludgeons the man’s face several times until it becomes a bloody, unrecognizable mess.

Somehow, the victim still breaths and opens his mouth – well, I think it’s his mouth. One of the boys takes a screwdriver and stabs the man’s stomach repeatedly for over a minute, twisting the screwdriver around as he pierces through the tissue.

At this point, I was certain the man was dead, but no. His arms are moving around and his mouth is opening. How is this possible?

They pause to watch blood squirt out of the victim’s head in fountains, each time he breaths.

The cameraman takes his turn now. He begins stabbing the victim in the eyes with a screwdriver. Just like the other boy, he twists the screwdriver around and swirls the eyeball liquid around in the man’s empty sockets.

When the man still had not died after having his face smashed in, his eyes poked out, and his guts stabbed, the boys finished him off by smashing his skull in with a hammer.

Now that I think about it, the video kind of reminded me of that movie Three Ninjas, except more violent and the kids were the bad guys.

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On Friday afternoon, all was calm in the city of Royal Oak, Michigan. A 22-year-old girl, her 17-year-old sister, and the sister’s infant were sitting around and watching television. The two family dogs – pit bulls – were laying around, probably thinking about dog stuff.

There’s never anything good on TV on Friday afternoons.

All Hell broke loose after one of the girls tripped over a dog as she got up. Both dogs attacked the sisters, causing serious injuries as they tried to flee and protect the infant. Vicious dogs love infants. I wrote a story about that back in August.

Both sisters and the infant were able to barricade themselves in separate rooms and call 911. If the call was an instant message conversation, it would have looked like this:

xxx911DispatcherGurlxxx: hey, whats ur emrgency?
x00RoyalOakHottie00x: AHHH DOGS ARE ATRTACKING US!!!
xxx911DispatcherGurlxxx: ur attracted to dogs? is this an emergncy?
x00RoyalOakHottie00x: DOGS IN HOUSE. TRYING TO KILL US. ROYAL OAK.
xxx911DispatcherGurlxxx: lol ooohhh. ok i’m sending some piggies out ur way hun. ttyl

When the police arrived, the dogs were too vicious to be snared. One dog was fatally shot and the other was tasered, but not killed. Now, the owners of the dogs that attacked them are thinking about filing a lawsuit against the police.

Frivolous lawsuits make me so angry, whenever I think about them, it feels like someone is yanking hairs off my taint while teasing me with a delicious sandwich.

It is not overreacting to fail at capturing a savage canine that almost killed three people, and then destroying it.

These people are suffering from SDOS. Selfish Dog Owner Syndrome. It’s when a person cares more about their dog than anything.

I used to live in Royal Oak. For the most part, it’s a town full of assholes. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone sued their barber for cutting their hair too short.

What would you do? Lots of children get mauled by dogs just for being curious. If you dog already shows signs of aggression, then it could only be a matter of time before your kid gets it.

A lot of you are probably going to think I’m a sick person after reading this article. Please, don’t think that. I’d simply like to educate the public on a subject that I find both hilarious and disturbing.

I came across an interesting website the other day and posted a Myspace bulletin about it, including the website’s link. Myspace removed the link from the bulletin, probably because they deemed it “too terrible for anyone to see.”

Since then, I have had dozens of people e-mail me in response to the missing link. I’ll post it below, but first I’ll warn you that it’s a bestiality website.

Q: “But Dustin, what’s bestiality?”
A: Well, Marge, I’m glad you asked that. First of all, the term “bestiality” can mean many things. Your average person probably uses it when describing a sexual act between a human and an animal – usually a male dog or horse.

I’d also like to point out that bestiality is commonly misspelled and mispronounced as B-E-A-S-Tiality. This is wrong, so please stop misusing the word.

Bestiality can also refer to a person acting beast-like, usually in a sexual way. So, if a human male is tearin’ up his wife, going at it caveman style, making grunts and primitive noises, then he is considered to be engaging in bestiality. Basically, just picture your parents when they had sex.

It’s probably just best to refer to an animal-fucker as a zoophile (ZOO-file). A zoophile is a person who has an abnormal fondness for animals, if you know what I mean.

A zoophile is the animal-loving version of Michael Jackson. The zoo is to zoophiles what the Neverland Ranch was to Jackson. The animals don’t have to be young though.

I hope you’re understanding this.

So now that you’re more educated on the subject, stop by http://www.beastiality.es and take a glimpse at your daughter’s future.

And yes, they spelled bestiality wrong in the link too.

Guns have been receiving a lot of attention in the news lately. I can’t open a news page without reading a headline with the word “gun” in it.

Today was actually a good day for gun crimes in the news. The only major headline I noticed was a self inflicted gunshot. Idiots around the world accidentally shoot themselves every day, but this next story is unique.

54-year-old Greg Schwarber is Middletown, Ohio’s police chief. On Friday, Greg accidentally shot himself in the thigh after giving his daughter a gun safety lesson. That’s a normal daddy-daughter activity, right?

Greg had finished the lesson with his daughter, and was cleaning the gun when it fired into his leg. He had forgot the gun was still loaded. Five minutes ago, he was teaching another person how to handle a gun.

That’s like a lumberjack being crushed by a falling tree after teaching his son how to cut it down.

Oddly enough, the hospital Greg was taken to had no record of him being treated or admitted. Hmmm… I’m sure the Middletown Police Department will make a comment like, “This was a freak accident and we’re just happy that everyone is OK.”

I am not satisfied by this. Greg Schwarber should not be allowed to own a gun or even look at a gun ever again.

I have owned and handled several guns in my life. The golden rule to avoid shooting yourself or others is to always assume the gun is loaded. Even if you’re positive that it’s unloaded, don’t point it at yourself, idiot. And for Christ’s sake, don’t pull the trigger on it.

This is why I hate Ohio.